I awaken plump with purpose despite myself. Drive to the weed store. It’s a Monday. Big line. Doing laundry, only sweatshirt clean is Jack O’Lantern. Guy, 60’s, white nail brush hair, tank top with armpit pussy showing, “crazy” Mc-Hammer pants, lines up behind me. Looks long and hard. “Halloween is over!” he hilariously quips. I sputter,”Never,” pissed I answered him at all. Then he gets very serious on his phone for a few minutes.
Then he asks me, loudly, if I have heard of Bitcoin.
Cautious, incredulous: “I have heard of Bitcoin.”
“Looks like it’s about to go parabolic. You don’t have to buy a whole Bitcoin. Just a little tip for you.”
In the old days drug dealers only saw you by appointment one at a time behind closed doors and I miss that.
I’m Ian. I practice saying it in my head. Ms and Ns come hard under pressure. In public is pressure. In line at the weed store behind a cute girl is pressure. She’s got a Halloween sweatshirt tied around her butt. This is an invitation to introduce myself. “I’m Ian. Halloween’s over!” She wouldn’t have chosen it if she didn’t want to be noticed.
Everyone looks at me and so does she. I’m 30 years older than all the boys here, but I’m a better dressed version. Muscle top, muscle pants, leather jacket. I fill out the top well. Feel a little sorry for all these other stringy stoners. The one at the front of the line looks nervous. I make him nervous.
“Never over,” the girls says. Now I can see her teeth are clean and her skin is healthy. She’s wearing a T-shirt with a melted band name on it. I’m cool, too. I show her so by looking at my phone. It’s only Yahoo news but she doesn’t know. My thoughtful money face is one of my best. I practice that onein the mirror. Not just in my head.
This line is long. I silently pull focus to my towering grame as I deepen and flex my scowl. From under my lids I can see the girl is studying the menu. Not looking at me. “Have you heard of Bitcoin?” I say.
Startled by my prowess, Halloween Sweatshirt Butt blinks for a beat. “Yes, I’ve heard of Bitcoin.”
Smarter than the average bear. “Looks like it’s about to go parabolic,” I confide. “You don’t have to buy a whole Bitcoin,” I add.
The girl has stopped blinking and is nodding a little. “That’s a little tip for you,” I finish graciously, returning to my phone. The blond kid in front is gaping.
Someday, kid. Hang in there.
“Thanks,” the girl says.
Suddenly more cashiers enter, the line sweeps along. I never get a chance to show her my NFT.
This hits close to home. As a long time retail worker i know how vast the interpretations of words and body language can be.