Genesis G70
This is the vehicle bestowed upon me by the joint machinations of unidentified road debris, Farmers Insurance, and Enterprise Car Rental.
Nicely, Enterprise picked me up from the collision center Farmers picked out. The concierge arrived in a white Palisade, very meta. His kid just started preschool so I bragged about my niece. Sadly, the Enterprise lobby had a cheapo Bluetooth speaker fuzzily bumping 90s Top 50 at just the volume to make you think you’re suddenly schizophrenic. I sat down, put in my airbuds and continued highlighting passages in Mindhunter.
After Zombie, Then You Really Might Know What It’s Like, Runaway Train, and Round Here played, someone came up to give me a key and walk me out to options. But once outside, this sly lady informed me the options were one: Genesis.
I was annoyed she waited to take me outside into the hot Palm Springs morning sun to tell me they were out of other cars. This “luxury” car exceeds Farmers daily rental allowance substantially, and I said so. Craven customer service.
Like all “sports” cars you have to jam on the accelerator to actually get movement. Bumper car style. Has already stopped dead at a green light because “braking signal inadequate” or something. I had to turn it off and start it again. The North Carolina rental plates redistribute some absorbed shame.
Also missing digital windshield driver’s display.
Also missing a hybrid motor.
Also missing Bluetooth pairing with my phone, and therefore my music, my maps, my calls, and my texts.
Also missing the booster seat needed to jimmy my mini-snickers Fun Sized ass up above the sightline of the steering wheel.
Not missing: preprogrammed calmingsoundscapes including Lively Forest, Rainy Day, and City At Dawn. That’s good so when I plow helplessly through a stoplight I wasn’t supposed to be at w/o navigation peering like Killroy over the wheel at the oncoming damage my requiem will be Rainy Day.
Follow up if I survive the rental period.
The Del Taco Review: 3.75/10 or one-fifth of a Double Del